Trans Bathroom Blues: The Public Restroom

More on the bathroom issue from Matt’s book “Just Add Hormones”. A good read if you haven’t already checked it out.

Matt Kailey's Tranifesto

Men's RoomThe Maine Human Rights Commission appears to be pretty progressive. Recently, they ruled in favorof a transgender male-to-female student’s right to use the girls’ restroom at school.

And in May, they ruled in favorof a trans woman’s right to use the women’s restroom at a Denny’s restaurant.

Public restroom issues can get messy for trans people — but most public restrooms are pretty messy, anyway. It’s not like we want to hang out in there. We just want to take care of business and get on with life.

What I’m posting today is a section from my book, Just Add Hormones, that discusses the public restroom issue for trans people (thanks to Abigail Jensen for the link to the stories above).

From Just Add Hormones:

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Ask Matt: Not Trans Enough for the Textbooks?

Matt Kailey's Tranifesto

Question MarkA reader writes: “I am trying to puzzle out some things about my own body dysphoria and would like to ask you this question about dysphoria in general. Do you think it stems from a physical misrepresentation in the brain or a learned response?

“By physical misrepresentation I mean that the brain is wired in its neurons to perceive one set of genitalia but the body winds up with another set. By learned response I mean that the person perceives their gender as one way (socially and privately) and because their body is not aligned, they eventually develop confusion and despair over their body.

“I am asking because it seems many ‘documentaries’ and such about trans people feature a young child explaining how they wish their penis was gone or something. But how much of that is strictly physical and instinctive and how much is psychological? What would happen if…

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Ask Matt: Can a Lesbian Date a Trans Man?

Matt Kailey's Tranifesto

Question MarkA reader writes: “I have been an out Lesbian for 24 years (I’m 44) and recently met and fell in love with a Trans guy. For obvious reasons, this was a little confusing at the start, and I am still curious about my changing ‘identity’ (which appears to have become a little more fluid and harder to define than previously!).

“What are your thoughts on Lesbians dating Trans men? Should we still even care about labeling ourselves? How do I (or do you think I should) raise this stuff with my straight friends?”

I think it’s fine for anyone to date anyone, including lesbians dating trans men. What I have found to be one of the biggest problems for anyone dating a trans person is that the person then starts questioning his or her own sexual orientation. This can be a huge challenge for people whose identity is strongly tied…

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Ask Matt: Trans Disclosure in Medical Emergencies

Helpful information I think for any of us who are not strictly cisgender.

Matt Kailey's Tranifesto

Question MarkA reader writes: “My first close contact with a transgender individual was following a car wreck where the victim was later discovered to be transgender.

“Besides taking care of the patient’s physical/medical needs during transport, which, following a trauma, always includes exposing the majority of the body to examine for bruising, swelling, etc., I learned a lot about all the additional issues this person had going on. Things got a little complicated pretty fast.

“Fortunately, I was the only paramedic in the back, so was able to eventually establish how the lady wanted to be referred to, her new name, and the other issues involved, including being homeless at that time. I was able to become an advocate for her (with the other personnel).

“It takes a lot of courage for some transgender folks to discuss things with a perfect stranger, especially when in a serious medical situation. However, it…

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It’s the Testosterone: What Straight Women Should Know

Matt Kailey's Tranifesto

Testosterone setupWhenever I speak at a college class (which I did this week), I inevitably get the question about testosterone and sex drive (because college kids are still young enough to be thinking about sex most of the time).

And I tell them the truth, which is that, at least for me and most guys I know, testosterone sends your sex drive straight through the roof and beyond the stratosphere. NASA should honestly use it for fuel to get those rockets (which are really just larger-than-life phallic symbols) to the moon. It is a very powerful aphrodisiac, and way better than oysters, which tend to be slimy.

Testosterone not only increased my sex drive ten-fold, but changed the nature of it as well. It became less diffuse and more goal-oriented, which is probably how the word “score” entered the sexual lexicon. It also, in certain situations, became less about any other…

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I Miss Matt Kailey

We lost a great trans brother and educator last year when Matt Kailey suddenly passed away in his sleep of heart failure.  I looked forward to his weekly “Ask Matt” emails in my inbox and even wrote in one time myself to get his opinion on a question I had.  I could always rely on Matt for an honest, sometimes witty and completely fair opinion on matters of importance to my heart.  I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that Matt’s voice is sorely missed.  His book Just Add Hormones was one of the first transgender books I read and the only one I re-read a few years later.  I began blogging because of Matt.  I came to WordPress because this is the site Matt used.  I figured if it was good enough for him it was good enough for me.  I wasn’t wrong in that assessment.

If you don’t know who Matt Kailey was you can learn more about him here.  His obituary can be found here.  And if you’d like to check out his vast amount of blog entries that discuss everything you can imagine about being trans*  here is his website.  I highly recommend checking it out.

I worry about what will happen to his website now that he’s no longer here to monitor it.  I’m pretty sure it’s one of those premium accounts you have to pay money to have and I wonder if anyone has the ability to get into the account and update it.  My fear is that one day it will be taken down because no one paid the subscription fee.  I’m hoping I’m wrong about this.  Either way, I’ve decided that every Thursday I will post a selection from his site on my blog to share with my followers.

So, without further delay, here is my first Matt Kailey excerpt: It’s Time to Lose ‘I Didn’t Choose’ (to be Transgender)