You’re a Super Hero

These days I’m pretty busy just living my life but I do take time everyday to reflect on where I came from and where I am now.  Most days I am in awe of the life I lead today compared to even a couple of years ago.  I’m here to tell you, if you doubt that you can flip your whole life upside down, inside out and survive it, that you absolutely can.  And, in fact, you will be a much better, happier person for doing it.  Your friends and family may fight you every inch of the way but at some point even they will admit that you are a better person now than you used to be.  Will it be hard?  Yes, of course.  Everything worth doing is hard.  Will it get worse before it gets better?  Yep, most likely it will.  Can you do it?  I have no doubt.

Why am I so confident in you?  Because I did it and I was just like you are right now.  Scared, terrified even.  Absolutely sure that I’d lose everyone and everything that meant anything to me.  Convinced that I’d have to live in my car and eat food from the dollar store to survive.  Afraid that no one would ever love me again and pretty sure that I’d never be taken seriously in my real gender.  I was the kind of person that would say, “well, that’s ok for other people but not for me”.  I have too much to lose.  I’m too this, too that.  Too old, too fat, too feminine looking, too dependent on my partner, too scared, too weak.  I didn’t think it would be worth all of the turmoil I’d have to put myself and my family through.  I was wrong.  Very wrong.

I’m not telling you to transition.  That’s your decision to make.  But I want you to know that you can do it.  You absolutely CAN do anything you want to do.  I did it and so can you.  I’m not special.


Actually, I am special.  And so are you.

You see, people like us, the misfits and maladjusted freaks of society are the most amazing people.  We’re superheros.  We grow up being taught that who we are is wrong and we get beaten down into submission until we can’t take it any longer.  I look at the general population now and I feel pity for them.  They don’t know what it’s like to grow up the way we did and have to pull ourselves out of the abyss and rise above our upbringing.  I am stronger than they will ever be because of what I’ve been through.  They whine and moan about their aches and pains and every day worries while we’re out here reinventing ourselves into the superheroes we were born to be.   Once you find your truth you are unstoppable.  Take your truth where it leads you and don’t let fear stop you.  Feel the fear but do it any way.  Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.  Fear is a liar.  You’re not weak or worthless.  Quite the opposite.  You’re one of the strongest people on the planet and you are special in ways others can’t even imagine.  Whatever your deal is that makes you feel like a misfit, turn that shit around and make it your greatest strength.  Think of all of the crap you’ve had to deal with in life because you’re not like all of the sheep in the world.  You’re not a sheep.  You’re a fucking lion.  You’re a fucking superhero.  All that crap has made you stronger and stronger.  Your muscles are popping out every where from all the heavy lifting you’ve done in life.  Now put it to good use and start living your wildest dreams.  Be your own hero and I bet even the person closest to you that tells you this is crazy will thank you for it one day.

Holiday Musings and the New Year

I’ve been trying to put my finger on when and what caused me to stop enjoying the holiday season.  I know that up through high school I liked Thanksgiving and Christmas a lot and looked forward to them each year.  Maybe it was my sophomore year in college when my mother dis-owned me and told me I couldn’t come home for Christmas because I had a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend.  Maybe it was because after high school I felt a lot of pressure to buy a lot of presents for people who only seemed to love me if I followed their rules even though I was a poor college student and had no money for all of that.  Maybe it started when I moved far, far away from my birth family to escape their tyrannical governing over my life and the pressure and guilt they put on me to travel home to spend the holidays with them each year when I really wanted to be with the people who loved and supported me throughout the year.  Maybe it is how the stores insist on putting Christmas decorations out earlier and earlier every year and the commercialism of the holidays takes over the true meaning of why we’re supposed to celebrate.  Maybe it’s because Candace loves Christmas so much and I feel pressured to enjoy it too.  Maybe it’s all of the excess, extravagance and gluttony.  Maybe it’s because I really don’t consider myself a Christian anymore.  Maybe it’s because I hate travelling during the holidays and dealing with all of the crowds and stressed out people, sleeping in someone else’s bed and being friendly 24/7 when I don’t feel like it.  Maybe it’s just all of it.  It’s all just exhausting and every year I dread it.

I’m not a scrooge, really.  I do love a lot about the holidays.  I love to drive around and look at the way people decorate their homes for the holidays.  I enjoy the parties and the cookies and the fruit cake even.  I enjoy decorating the tree and watching it light up my living room every evening.  I like to buy meaningful gifts for people and see them smile with surprise and happiness when they get something they really like or that was unexpected yet thoroughly appreciated.  I love the smells of the holidays and the delicious tastes as well.

Somehow, at some point, the magic of the season died for me.  Now, it’s just something I have to endure and get through.  I miss the simplicity of the Christmas of my youth when things were simpler.   Being an adult sucks sometimes and this is one of them.  I know, attitude is everything and I have a lousy one.  I try, really I do.  I put on that happy face and soldier on but inside, I just really want to stay home and have that simple Christmas that I miss so much without all of the guilt and stress.

But hey, I survived another year and am home again in my favorite chair now and I’m contemplating the new year about to start.  New Year’s still has its magic for me.  I look forward to it.  It means I survived Christmas and another year and get to look forward to starting fresh with new goals or maybe the same ones but a fresh start either way.  Clean slate, no more Christmas songs on the radio or decorations in my house and time to reflect on what I want to do with the next 12 months of my life.  It’s like cracking open a new book you’ve been dying to read.  What will happen in the new year?  What will I be thankful for at the end of this new year?  It’s a mystery because even with goals and plans you just never know what’s going to happen.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!  What are you hoping to make happen in 2016?


Call for Papers

I got an email from Michael Brown, the admin at the FTM Mentors website,, about a call for papers for trans men who came from a lesbian and/or feminist background.  The deadline for submissions isn’t until January 30, 2016 so there’s plenty of time to submit your story if you have any interest.  I know there are a few of us with this background here so I wanted to share this opportunity with you.

Here’s the link to their website which will explain everything about what they’re doing:

Good luck!

Ask Matt: Can a Lesbian Date a Trans Man?

Matt Kailey's Tranifesto

Question MarkA reader writes: “I have been an out Lesbian for 24 years (I’m 44) and recently met and fell in love with a Trans guy. For obvious reasons, this was a little confusing at the start, and I am still curious about my changing ‘identity’ (which appears to have become a little more fluid and harder to define than previously!).

“What are your thoughts on Lesbians dating Trans men? Should we still even care about labeling ourselves? How do I (or do you think I should) raise this stuff with my straight friends?”

I think it’s fine for anyone to date anyone, including lesbians dating trans men. What I have found to be one of the biggest problems for anyone dating a trans person is that the person then starts questioning his or her own sexual orientation. This can be a huge challenge for people whose identity is strongly tied…

View original post 1,271 more words

I Miss Matt Kailey

We lost a great trans brother and educator last year when Matt Kailey suddenly passed away in his sleep of heart failure.  I looked forward to his weekly “Ask Matt” emails in my inbox and even wrote in one time myself to get his opinion on a question I had.  I could always rely on Matt for an honest, sometimes witty and completely fair opinion on matters of importance to my heart.  I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that Matt’s voice is sorely missed.  His book Just Add Hormones was one of the first transgender books I read and the only one I re-read a few years later.  I began blogging because of Matt.  I came to WordPress because this is the site Matt used.  I figured if it was good enough for him it was good enough for me.  I wasn’t wrong in that assessment.

If you don’t know who Matt Kailey was you can learn more about him here.  His obituary can be found here.  And if you’d like to check out his vast amount of blog entries that discuss everything you can imagine about being trans*  here is his website.  I highly recommend checking it out.

I worry about what will happen to his website now that he’s no longer here to monitor it.  I’m pretty sure it’s one of those premium accounts you have to pay money to have and I wonder if anyone has the ability to get into the account and update it.  My fear is that one day it will be taken down because no one paid the subscription fee.  I’m hoping I’m wrong about this.  Either way, I’ve decided that every Thursday I will post a selection from his site on my blog to share with my followers.

So, without further delay, here is my first Matt Kailey excerpt: It’s Time to Lose ‘I Didn’t Choose’ (to be Transgender)