What if?

There is a question that pops up fairly often in the transgender community that I find fascinating.  I have a big fascination with time travel anyway so this question really gets my mind worked up with all of the possibilities.  The question I’m referring to is this:

If you could have been born and raised as your true gender, would you choose to do so?

It’s an impossible question to really answer.  Like time travel in general, we never know how things would have worked out if we went back and change history.  Yet, we often are so tempted and eager to do just that.  At least I enjoy the fantasy of what an amazing adventure I could have as a time traveler.  The Back to the Future movies of the 80’s were particularly fun for me and I still enjoy them.  I think they do a really good job of portraying how disastrous time travel could be if we want to keep our present lives as they are.  But if we want to alter our present life?  How many other’s lives would get altered by us changing our past?  Would it make things better or worse?  Impossible questions to answer.

time machine

Would you take a ride on my Time Machine?


back to future

Or is the DeLorian more to your liking?

So the question is definitely rhetorical in nature and I get that.  But, the time travel fanatic in me runs with it into a lot of fun and entertaining corners of my psyche.  I take none of it too seriously as it is an impossible scenario.  And sometimes the thoughts really get me upset and profoundly sad to ponder.  It’s all fun and games until you realize that none of it has any remote chance of ever happening.  Then the depression sets in.  And then you think about your current life and the relationships you have with people as the person you are, your job/career, the car you drive, the house you live in, your community, your identity as it stands today.  Like it or not, all of that would change if you chose to be born as your true gender.  We have no way of knowing whether it would be better or worse, where we’d be, who we’d be with, what we’d be doing, how happy we’d be.


So how can you answer this question?  I don’t really think you can.  Maybe if you have hit rock bottom and have no one and nothing left and your only option would be to have a do over, yeah I guess that would be a pretty easy decision.  But most of us like our lives quite a bit.  Maybe not all of it but we’re pretty happy in general.  I know my life is much better in so many ways than I ever imagined and also so different than anything I ever imagined as a young person.  I’m finally able to be who I am and I’m pretty comfortable as that person most of the time.  I’m still adjusting to it, as are my friends and family, but so far so good.  Why would I choose to give all this up?

Let’s say for just one moment that we really could choose to start life over exactly as it was but in the body of the sex we identify with.  Would you do it?  Personally, I’d go from being a 54 year old to an infant again living in 1962 eastern U.S.  Would I do that?  I’d be a boy, raised as a boy, live and play as a boy, go through school as a boy, date girls as a boy, find a career as a boy, marry a girl as a boy, have children and be a father, grow up and grow old as a man.  Would I do it?

It’s tempting.

But, here’s the thing that makes me say no.  I look at how much I have grown and evolved through this process of living my life as who I am and I just don’t see the same potential for growth in the new scenario.  Maybe I’d grow there too, but it would be in much different ways.  And then there’s just the whole idea that my life as I know it would just evaporate and go away and I have way too much invested in it to let that happen.

I want to say yes, I would definitely choose to be born male if given the chance.  And yeah, that would have been nice.  But that was not an option and it’s kind of just foolish and somewhat self abusive to even spend much time thinking about the what-ifs of life.  I admit that I do fantasize about how life would be if I’d been born male.  It’s a sweet fantasy.  But it’s also painful to think about.  It brings up feelings of regret and pining for something that could never have been and feeling like what we have is not good enough.  It’s an alluring fantasy but a deceptively painful and dangerous one too.

I think a better question to ponder is: now that we have the freedom to choose how we live our lives, who do we want to be?  For me, that’s a much more powerful question to ponder.  This is something I can actually control to some degree and take some credit for.  So now I ask you, who do you want to be now that you can be anything and anyone you want to be?  Let’s have some fun figuring that one out and making it happen.  Instead of fantasizing about the past, let’s fantasize about the future and build that in the present because that’s all we really have.  Good luck and carry on fellow Time Travelers!


14 thoughts on “What if?

  1. I right there with u on this. Would not do it any differently. And love embracing and creating my authentic self now as always.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This s a great post. The initial question of time travel is interesting. I have a personal fixation with quantum physics at the moment, so the leap from “what if…? to “why don’t we…?” is a perfect transition.
    Suppose you had been born a “normal” hetero male…would you appreciate who you were as much as you would by being who you are now?
    We are who we are because of our karma. You could not possibly have gained the insight and understanding that you know that you have gained by being exactly who you are right this very minute.
    I believe that we can learn to embrace sorrow, heartbreak and disappointment the same way that we embrace fulfillment and “Happiness”.
    All of our lives are a mixture of tragedy, comedy, and epic adventure.
    The truth is that once we are born (because of our karma), we are the script writers, the camera, the director, the editor, and the lead character of the novel (or movie) that is our lives.
    There is a reason for it. You were meant to be exactly who you are, at least in this lifetime. We are all evolving. Each of our lives is like a puzzle, or an enigma, or a paradox that only we can figure out. Every action we take alters the outcome of how our lives MIGHT BE or COULD BE depending upon our choices.
    It is one thing to realize this, and an entirely different thing to actualize this.
    But if you can, then you come to realize that time travel (much like suicide) is useless and redundant.
    You already possess within you everything you need, and you are already everything you need to be.
    You could not possibly possess the understanding and depth of character that you have already gained without being who you are here and now.
    We will all make mistakes and have regrets…it s the nature of samsara.
    Acceptance of our present temporary condition gives us the perspective to see what it is that we possess within us to realize “where the truth lies” within us to solve the riddle of why we are here.
    I personally believe that transgendered persons are equally afflicted and blessed. In our ultimate manifestation, we would be equally male and female, yin and yang.
    You are already one step beyond the one-dimensional characters that most of us were taught to believe we are supposed to be.
    I celebrate who you are and who I am, and thank you for allowing us to get even a small glimpse of yourself.
    I am inspired by your courage and determination.

    Chazz Vincent

    PS: It is my understanding that theoretically, it is possible to go forward in time, but not back, so it is entirely possible to change our future, but not our past.

    ” I bow to all that is divine within you”

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for this amazing comment Chazz. I couldn’t agree more with you on any of your points. I do feel strongly that this is my Karmic path and that it is a beautiful and epic journey we’re all on. It is divine and perfect in its own way. I like your idea that ultimately we’re all a balance of masculine and feminine yin and yang. That is a beautiful image.

      I have heard that future travel is theoretically possible. I remember watching a show about that a while back. Being kind of a history buff, I’m much more interested in traveling back in time. I’d especially like to go back and meet my father who I never got to know.

      Ah well, life is just as it should be. Just have to accept that and keep moving forward. It’ll all be over before we know it.

      Take care and namaste

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Shawn. Your thoughts are provocative and inspiring. They remind me of Hedwig’s “Origin of Love”.
        I believe that when we seek our “other half” we are really seeking the other half of ourselves in order to be complete.
        Good luck in your journey.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks again Chazz, I’m really honored by your comments. I will look into the origin of love you mentioned.


  3. “We look before and after,
    And pine for what is not:
    Our sincerest laughter
    With some pain is fraught;
    Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.” – PB Shelley

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There are so many things I would like to change in my past, but I can’t. When I was a kid I would dream about being a boy, and having different parents (or being in a boy’s boarding schood) but they were kid dreams.
    Even wishing that I could have had these transition opportunities in my late teens and early twenties – that would probably have meant that I wouldn’t be with Donna, wouldn’t have our life together (we met when I was 24)…I’m not willing to give all that back.
    But like in your previous rant, I could have done with less of the drama of a difficult gender non-conforming childhood and less drama in the transition process. I would have liked acceptance and understanding – both as a child and as an adult.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it’s easy to wish on the surface for a different path but then we’d lose all that we love. I think most people would not choose the do over. Plus, each life has its trials and tribulations so it’s a gamble which new ones we’d be faced with. As Chazz said above we’re all exactly as we’re meant to be. I think the trick is to honor and appreciate that. It’s too late for us to have supportive families growing up but hopefully we are paving the way for others to get the love and support we lacked as children.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow. That is a really deep question and from a trans perspective, so much more complicated to answer than it seems. I think I agree with you: maybe that would be nice, but at the end of the day that’s not what happened. Very interesting perspective

    Liked by 1 person

  6. As a mother I would defiantly change the path of time if possible, so my child didn’t have to live the experiences he has and miss out on ones he should have had because he was just born male. Although he is getting to a place he wants to be it still doesn’t counteract the pain he’s been through to get there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Interesting. I never thought about this question from a parent’s perspective. I think it’s a very natural thing to want to spare our children pain and suffering.


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