A couple of nights ago Candace made spaghetti for dinner. After a few bites I asked her if she used a new sauce. She hadn’t started eating yet because she is notoriously slow at prepping her food before she can start eating. I call it “finessing” her food. Didn’t want you to think I’m rude or anything but after 18 years of watching her take 15 minutes to get her food just right I don’t feel bad about starting before she does anymore. Anyway, she said, “Yes. Why? Is it bad?” I said, “No. It’s just different. Thicker and sweeter.” Pretty mundane dinner conversation I know. Hang with me. Then I said it reminded me of Ragu and we talked about Ragu for a while. I mentioned that when I was poor and single I always bought Prego brand. Then I said Ragu pretty much sucks but the name is pretty fun to say. And then I said Ragu a bunch of times. A few minutes went by and I said, “Actually Prego is a fun word to say too.” She looked at me and said there’s your male brain again and we laughed for a moment. She told me that she was going to start calling me MB for Male Brain. I told her it was more like a boy brain. A pubescent boy brain. I said she should call me PBB. She thought that was too complicated.
Now, I know that little interchange might be cute if you’re sitting at our dinner table and not so cute if you’re reading about it three days later but it got me thinking. My Life Coach, this guy, told me the other day that it’s like I’m going through puberty again and that I remind him of a teenage boy. He’s a cis guy and really doesn’t know much at all about being transgender but he’s all about being your true you and we have a good relationship so he can joke around with me without worrying about offending me. I told Candace he said that to me and she felt pretty good about herself for agreeing with Jeff who she knows I look up to.
Then there’s my taste in music. I like a lot of different kinds of music and always have. I can listen to anything and usually find something I enjoy…maybe with the exception of rap. Sorry, I’m just too old to be able to appreciate it as music. Growing up I liked Billy Joel, Supertramp, Jethro Tull, Men at Work, Earth Wind and Fire and a host of other groups. Mostly I was a big Billy Joel fan. I liked his dark, moody side. Once he got all happy and married Christie Brinkley I fell off the Billy Joel wagon. I just couldn’t listen to Uptown Girl without gagging. I hated heavy metal music as a teenager or as we called it back then, Hard Rock. But now, all of a sudden, I’m really digging some hard rock music. I’ve newly discovered a liking for ACDC and Rush and find myself listening a lot to the 70s channel or the classic rock channel. I find it interesting that I’m attracted to the music of my teenage years again, especially some of the stuff I would never have listened to back then as a girl. I seem to really like loud, powerful, masculine music these days. I still like pop stuff too like Megan Trainer, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift. What’s not to like? They’re fun and cute songs. I’m actually a huge Gaga fan and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I can listen to jazz or classical too if I’m in the mood. I keep the 40’s channel on pre-set in my truck as well so sometimes I roll with some big band music. But, at heart, I’m a rock guy. And speaking of Heart, they’re awesome too.
Anyway, my brain is doing some strange stuff these days. I’m not so bad that I giggle if I burp or fart but I wouldn’t be surprised if that started any day now. I won’t bore you with the sexual stuff that pops into my crazy head. You wouldn’t want to know about it. Let’s just say that sometimes I freak myself out a little bit, especially coming from a feminist background. T is a powerful hormone. The body changes are profound but the brain changes are equally, and maybe more, surprising. Learning to control and harness this brain of mine is a daily challenge but also a pretty wild ride to be enjoyed.