New Orleans Blues

We’re in New Orleans on a mini vacation/business trip for Candace. She has a conference to attend and her beloved Cowboys were playing the Saints so she roped me into going with her and staying a few days past the conference to sight see. I like to travel but I get a lot of anxiety around it for a multitude of reasons, my gender being a big one. I always feel uneasy when I leave the comforts and familiarity of my home galaxy. I didn’t really think New Orleans would pose any special or unique challenges but I was wrong. Navigating the women’s restrooms here has been a challenge I’m not used to at home. At the football game a lady told me very sternly that this was the women’s room to which I replied by grabbing my boobs and saying “I am a woman”. Well, not really but I’m not going in the men’s room at a football game so whatever. She looked puzzled and just said “oh sorry.” It happened twice at a museum yesterday too. The first time the lady said she knew I was female and only wanted to assure me I was in the right place. Ok, whatever.

It’s making me paranoid to use a public toilet now. We’re with a couple of Candace’s work friends and I’d hate to have them witness this indignity I’m experiencing here. And I can’t really go into the men’s room with them around either. Personally, I’m ready to get back on my spaceship and Buck Rogers out of here but we have a couple more days to go. Until then I just keep my ID on me and hope for the best.


11 thoughts on “New Orleans Blues

  1. Orbitting earth in the space ship and am ready to beam you up. Need to leave you my galaxy behind for a while to breathe, feeling frustrated. Take care, buddy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hear your pain. I’m totally paranoid about using public toilets. My worst experience was in the Houston Airport on a layover – a woman sent in security on me (who looked at my shoes and my jeans under the stall door and decided I was probably male). It got straightened out and security apologized.
    I do a lot of pre-emptive peeing, but it sucks to be middle aged and post hysto. I used to be able to hold it forever, but I find that now I have to go more often, and I’m very hesitant to go by myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    • My God, she called security based only on your shoes and pants? Why are people so paranoid and nosey? What exactly do they think is going to happen to them in a busy public restroom? I could understand if it was late at night and in an isolated area. MAYBE a man will lurk in a woman’s restroom with the intent of doing harm. But they’re unlikely to waltz in like they belong there at a football stadium or a busy museum. Anyway, I’m taking advice here and asking Candace to go with me and yes being middle aged with a weak bladder doesn’t help.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I hate to live in a cocoon, but I have gotten where I always plan on bringing someone into the restroom with me.
    It is hard to forget the bad experiences, and to not let them keep causing apprehension each time that you open a restroom door.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I definitely try to wait to use the restroom until Candace needs to go too and that does make me feel a bit better. Unfortunately we’re not always together and I tend to do stuff on my own a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh dear. I feel personally apologetic, as a year ago this particular problem wasn’t one I’d thought about. I appals me though – and really confuses me WHY CAN’T PEOPLE PEE IN PEACE? I’ve been wondering if this is more of a US problem though – seems like as far as trans issues are concerned, many people in other parts of the world are just getting on with it. In the meantime, I’m just so sorry you have to go through this.


    • I wouldn’t be surprised at all if it’s more of a problem in the US than other countries. The thought of “men in the Women’s Room”, whether they be trans men, trans women or cis men terrifies a lot of women because of all the political and religious wingnuts filling people with fear. I’ve been using women’s rooms for 53 years and never have I had a problem except with other women who were nosey, rude, doing drugs, screaming on their phones at someone, pounding on the door for me to hurry up, looking under or over the partition at me, etc. Maybe the men’s room would be better anyway.


  5. I’m sorry to hear about your experience. I can’t remember when I started using men’s rooms, I think when I felt that the scales had tipped to the point that women might double take. I certainly did favour any place with a single use or gender neutral toilet. They seem much more common now than 15 years ago. I also can’t speak for the US but I have never had a problem in a men’s room. Men generally don’t care and they certainly don’t engage one another and chat with strangers! Surprisingly men’s room are often much cleaner, something I didn’t expect.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think, depending on the day and what I’m wearing, I’m probably at or close to that tipping point right now where women feel uneasy with me in the bathroom with them. I did encounter a few neutral toilets on my trip but they were always occupied and I probably should’ve just waited for them but I didn’t. My bad. I’m having trouble getting my courage up to use a men’s room. I’m as worried about getting kicked out of there as I am the women’s except I fear the actual kicking. I probably have it all backwards though. Fortunately I had no further problems on the trip but I always took Candace with me. I’m surprised to hear the men’s is cleaner than the women’s but that’s cool. I also like that they ignore you in there. I hate how women are always chatting and being nosey in the toilet. Thanks for your comment. I guess I need to get my courage up and start using the men’s soon.


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