I have a growing infatuation with my arm hairs. I study them. Some of them have gotten really long and I pull on them to measure their growth. Others are crooked and kinked like they came out of my skin in all different directions. Some are really dark and others are white. Today I noticed a faint reddish-brown hue to the hair on my arms and that made me smile. I’m also pretty infatuated with the veins in my arms as they pump testosterone infused blood to my heart. No one has any problems finding my veins anymore at the doctor’s office or hospital. I’m told that I have very good veins. Thank you Mr. T for that.
I’ve long been fascinated with my brother’s and my uncle’s arms. I didn’t have a father to study. I had a front row seat to observe my brother’s body change from that of a boy to a man. I loved how the thick hair looked on his forearms. I had an uncle who was particularly hairy and I was enthralled with how his chest hair poked out of his t shirt and how bushy his arms were. Now I see my own body taking on some of these genetic traits and it gives me a little thrill. It’s hard to imagine that a few arm hairs could make me so happy but it does. I look at my arms now and I see a man’s arms. They’re my arms. And I love them. I love how when the breeze blows it makes the hairs tickle my arms. I drove past a man the other day that had his window down and admired how the wind blew his thick arm hair straight back as he relaxed it on the side of his truck door. Ah, that will be me one day. I considered lowering my window (nobody rolls a window anymore, do they?) to experience this feeling myself but I’m way too in love with my air conditioning to do that right now. Maybe when it gets cooler, I thought to myself.
I’ve started to grow out my chin and mustache hairs a bit to see what they’re capable of these days. I enjoy running my hand across them absentmindedly while reading or thinking. I used to do this instinctively for years with nothing rewarding to feel. Now I’m rewarded with a little satisfying stubble across my finder tips. Yesss, that feels right now. I shaved my cheeks and under my chin this morning and now I can feel the beginning of a five o’clock shadow across my face. Again, it’s a most satisfying feeling to run my hand along my face and actually feel some resistance. And I love to listen to the razor blades slice through my adolescent beard when I shave. It makes a very satisfying sound. Faint and hard to hear if you aren’t paying attention but it’s there if you listen hard enough.
I was recently asked what are the down sides to taking T. Balding is No. 1. Not growing facial hair fast enough is No. 2. Other than that I can’t think of any. Hair in a lot of weird places maybe but I don’t really mind that. That’s why we have scissors and shavers and wax if it bothers you too much.
But I digress. Back to my arms. The other thing I love to do is make a fist and flex my arm muscles. The definition is amazing to me even though I’ve done nothing to develop that trait. I’ve been thinking that I should start back at the gym and work on building my biceps up. I have fantasies of having big muscular arms with bulging biceps. How cool would that be? Candace wouldn’t be able to pry me away from the bathroom mirror if I was able to do that. Would it look funny to have very muscular arms and a keg for a belly instead of a six pack I wonder to myself. Yep, probably so. Better work on that too. I jokingly tell folks that I skipped the six pack and went straight for the keg. They laugh nervously which I find humorous since my belly doesn’t really bother me much but they’re not sure if it’s ok to laugh at my self deprecating humor. I might be digging for a compliment instead of actually making fun of myself. They might be wondering if they should say something about how it’s not that big to make me feel better. Nope, I’m just poking fun at myself. You can laugh too.
So tonight I picked up my T at the pharmacy and had to change my name for their records. The young lady that helped me was very sweet and totally cool with everything. She asked me if I wanted her to change my gender too. I was shocked but pleasantly so. I said no, it’s still F on everything so it has to stay that way for now and I thanked her for asking me. She said it was no problem and that she knows it can be really hard sometimes. Her sensitivity and openness made me feel good. It also made me realize that I’m not fooling many people anymore.