Hysterectomy. The Other Bottom Surgery

***Possible trigger warning.  I actually don’t know if this can be triggering for anyone or not but if you’re at all squeamish about blood or female sex organs you might want to skip this post.

In 6th grade my science teacher was tasked with the responsibility of teaching us all about our sex organs and how they worked.  I had no idea all that stuff was inside me and really hoped that somehow I had been skipped when God handed out uteruses and ovaries.  Unfortunately, I hadn’t been.  At some point soon after the class ended all the girls started asking each other if they had “started” yet.  I think this is the point in time when I finally realized I couldn’t ignore being born female anymore.  I remember the look of astonished disgust on one girl’s face when I told her no I hadn’t “started” yet.  I couldn’t understand why she cared and I still really don’t understand it, but, eventually I could honestly hold my head high and say “Yes, I am now a WOMAN like the rest of you because I bleed every month.  Now go mind your own business please.”

My female reality hit hard and regularly along with cramps, mood swings and a general feeling that I’d been taken over by hostile aliens a good portion of each month. As I got older, into my 20s and 30s the mood swings and cramps would bring me to tears and missed time at work.  It effected my relationships.  I would pick fights with girlfriends just to relieve some of the awful anger I felt inside.  I was a monster to be around.

If I’d been more educated back then about this stuff maybe I could’ve spared both myself and my mates some anguish and a lot of pain.  But I was partly in denial and partly just uneducated about any of it.  Yes, I had sex education in 6th grade but I knew nothing of ob/gyn appointments, hormones or hysterectomies.  I had been super paranoid about becoming pregnant since a young age.  I guess my mom planted that seed somehow but more than that I now believe it was dysphoria.  The thought of me ever becoming pregnant was something that I would avoid at all costs.  Of course I am pro choice because there was no way in hell I’d ever allow myself to go through pregnancy.  If I’d known I could get all that stuff removed back then I would’ve done it in a heart beat, though I doubt I could have talked anyone into doing it without a medical reason.

At this point in my life I thought I was done with all of that monthly stuff.  Being on T had stopped the light stuff I was still experiencing occasionally.  Once in a while I’d get a little twinge of cramps and my uterus would remind me it was still there or a spot of blood would show up unexpectedly.  Recently the blood and cramping has increased, though I’m still on T, and that has me freaked out.  All I really want is to forget that it’s there but it won’t let me.  So now I’m on a mission to fix this once and for all and eject the unwanted and probably unhealthy bits completely from my life.  My therapist helped me locate on ob/gyn that works with trans men and I went to see her last week.  She’s putting me through a couple screening test which are NO fun but necessary and then hopefully we can get the hysterectomy scheduled soon.

From the beginning, a hysterectomy was on my list of transition related surgeries.  I always thought I would get it done first before it was just too weird for a guy to see those doctors. I get why this topic isn’t discussed more in the trans man community because a lot of us are kind of wigged out about it and just want to ignore it and forget about it.  But I think it’s important to discuss.  It’s not that easy to just walk into a doctor’s office and say you want these parts removed without a medical issue to warrant it, especially for younger guys.  And then there’s the whole sterilization issue to consider.  Once that stuff is gone you can not bear children.  So if I was younger and still had functioning ovaries I’d consider freezing eggs.  For most of my life I confused the dysphoria  of bearing a child myself with the desire to be a parent so I would tell you I didn’t want to have kids when I really meant I didn’t want to bear my own kid.  Now that I’ve separated the two things in my mind I realize that I would like to have children and be a parent if the opportunity ever came my way.

So, for me there’s a host of reasons for wanting to remove these unwelcome bits.  I don’t want to have to think about them anymore.  I don’t want to have to keep getting that stuff checked out regularly.  I don’t want the health risks involved with them being in my body.  I don’t want to deal with the by-products of having them and most importantly I just don’t feel like they ever belonged in me in the first place.  So they need to go.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Hysterectomy. The Other Bottom Surgery

  1. I managed to get through life until age 42 without every seeing a gyn because I was with women and didn’t need birth control or any services (until the invasion of the fibroids). It wasn’t the smartest approach (fortunately I was fine despite skipping all exams and pap smears until that time) but I also have a better understanding now of why I did what I did.

    Like

    • I think our narratives are pretty common for people of our generation and sexuality/gender. My mother always told me I didn’t need to go if I wasn’t with a man. I can’t remember her ever having a pap smear either. It just wasn’t something I gave much thought to.

      Like

  2. I am post menopause, so I don’t have the monthly misery any more. If I had realized I was trans earlier in my life, I would have wanted that not required equipment removed too. Good luck, Shawn.

    Like

  3. I need more the hysterectomy than phyloplasty or medioplasty. I’d be content having a neutrois body if I can never afford full reconstructive surgery. I have a family history that can work in my favor, but will have to wait till I’m 30–I think, will need to recheck with my insurance–to at least have my insurance cover chest removal and removing all my gynecological parts.

    Like

    • I feel the same way Cai. It’s really important to me to get these parts out of my body. More important than chest surgery even. It’s possible if you could find the right doctor, one that works with a lot of trans guys, that you could get it done sooner. Good luck.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi. I just stumbled across your blog. My own blog is bookish although my own trans status is not a secret, my trans advocacy and activism exists in real life not on the internet. I transitioned in mid-life, starting T at 40, coming up on 15 years ago. I have never been attracted to women so I wandered in some “straight” female wilderness for decades, even having two children near the end of that journey to see if that would “fix” my inability to feel female (ha,ha – joke was on me). All that really did was leave me to transition as a single male parent with two children (the three of us in puberty around the same time was bizarre mind you).

    I did not have a hysterectomy until about 10 years in, mostly due to time constraints and because the ob/gyn did not think it was necessary if I did not plan to have bottom surgery. I begged to differ. For a few years prior to that point I began to plagued by terrible cramps every night and I became obsessed with getting the parts out. I insisted on the radical hysterectomy. (I should also note the hospital staff in my city were amazingly respectful and discrete as a bald bearded man had a female surgery!) Even though there were no internal issues, the cramps stopped immediately and I no longer lived on a nightly Advil. I suspect it was psychological. No matter how well I had lived successfully in the world as a man, I just had to get rid of the internal vestiges of womanhood. Lower surgery has never held the same pull, even though it is fully funded where I live, I know it is not for me but I pass no judgement on anyone’s choice in that regard. As trans*men we each have to find and define our own place in the world.

    Good luck on your journey.

    Like

    • I’m glad you found me and stumbled in. Thanks so much for your comment. I’m always really interested in hearing other people’s transition journeys and their perspectives. Like I said in my post, hysterectomy has always been a key piece in my transition and the one I wanted to get done early on. I’m glad you were treated well in the hospital as a man having that surgery. That’s something I want to avoid if possible. I do think that not enough importance is given to the removal of these parts by the medical community. My own doctor tells me there’s no health risk with taking T and having female bits but I disagree. Plus, like you, I’m getting to be obsessed with wanting them out. Thanks again for sharing your story.

      Like

  5. Those bits. They served their duty for me and have now become redundant. I have the children I wanted. And at my age I had hoped they’d stopped functioning altogether by now, but they haven’t. Because I’m not on T yet (I need my official diagnosis first and that’s taking forever) I have an implanon implant and haven’t had a real period in months now. I used to bleed for weeks every month, so I had a medical reason to get the implant or I still wouldn’t have done it. I hate the implant though. I feel like those lumps on my chest grew. Not good. :/
    Anyway, even if I happen to be post menopause when I finally get approved for surgery, I will have those internal organs removed. Bottom exams are my worst nightmare.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s