The holidays are tough for me most years. They’re getting better but they still fill me with anxiety and dread. I’ve gotten off lucky the past couple seasons and have been able to stay home and let others come to me…or not. This year I traveled to visit Candace’s family. This was the first year that I’m out to all of them and the first time they’ve all seen me to use my new name. I was nervous about how it would go. We actually took a separate side trip to visit Candace’s grandmother who will turn 90 soon. She still lives at home by herself and is a very strong woman. I was the most worried about how she would react to my new name and, since I had not told her personally, wasn’t even sure if she knew about it. Not only did she know she never once slipped up and call me by my old name. In fact, she referred to me as he throughout my visit. She’s actually been doing this for a few years for some reason. I have not asked any family or friends to change pronouns at this point. I always figured I would do that when it was just too weird to keep referring to me with female pronouns. It’s not something that bothers me much unless people go overboard about it and start calling me “lady” or “girlfriend” or “madame”. Ugg, I hate that stuff. Anyway, grandma was awesome. She never said a word to me about any of it but just jumped in with both feet. There was even a moment when we were out to eat at a restaurant and Candace kept calling me “she” and grandma looked at me and said “she??” like WTF??? It was funny and I just shrugged and smiled.
The rest of the family all did their best with the name and my niece is struggling with what to call me…aunt, uncle, etc. I told her mom to tell her to call me whatever she wanted at this point. I guess I’ll have to deal with that soon. I’d say the name was correct about 75 percent of the time. Candace’s mom, who’s known the longest and claims to be my biggest supporter, struggled the most and probably got it right about 10% of the time. I started gently correcting her after it seemed like she just wasn’t trying anymore and she said that she was finding it really hard to remember and commented on how hard it was. Sorry.
All in all the holidays went well. We all survived and had a pretty good time together. I got everything I asked for and some stuff I didn’t so I can’t complain. We arrived home just in time to ring in the new year. I love New Year’s Day. It’s like spring time for me, full of promise and a fresh start. I’m thinking that 2015 will be my year for surgeries and to finish up the lion’s share of whatever transitioning and coming out I’m going to do. While I’m dreading the surgeries for obvious reasons, I’m also looking forward to them. There are a couple of things I’ve been putting off that I really need to take care of in that department and a couple that I’ve always wanted to do so it’ll be an interesting year I’m sure. I don’t usually set resolutions. Sometimes I set goals. This year I’m just going to set appointments.
Happy New Year everyone!