Closer to a Decision

the thinkerI started seeing a gender therapist recently and working with my life coach again. This past weekend I came out to my “mother in law” (my partner and I are not married legally). I have been coming out to friends and family very gradually over the past couple of years. So far, everyone has been amazingly supportive. One of my old friends from a past life actually wished me a Happy Father’s Day this year. Wow! Now, I don’t have human children but I do have two pets to whom I am a parent. Anyway, I thought that was by far one of the coolest things anyone has done so far.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to up my T dosage. It’s time. I’ve been on a really really low dose (about 1/4 full dose) for the past two years. I am using Androgel instead of injections. So I’m planning to gradually increase my dosage until I’m to 1/2 dose.  I will be talking with my endo doc in October about switching to injections. If my relationship breaks up I will not be able to afford the gel. It’s a lot more expensive and works slower too.

So, what has gotten me to this point of feeling like I am going to go for it and transition completely? Believe me I have researched and read everything I can get my hands on about reasons people choose to transition and risk losing family, friends, jobs and lives. For me it boils down to one thing. I believe that it is my path in this life to stand up and say “This is who and what I am!” I have been a trailblazer and maverick at so many junctures of my life so why should this be any different? It’s not an easy life to always be blazing the trail but I am not alone. So many trans men are waking up right now…young, old and everything in between…I have to think that there is a reason for it. Maybe the world needs us to bring balance to the sexes and to the world. I don’t know the reason but it does seem like more and more lesbians especially are waking up to their truth now. Maybe it’s a movement in the making. I don’t know. But I know that I’m excited and anxious at the same time. At 51, change is not easy.

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